....and I'm afraid I'm dropping some of the ballz!
I have a boatload to do and a few days to get it all done. Spoke with my boss, and it looks like I deploy to NOLA on Sunday. I'm absolutely stymied and stuck!
It's all I can do to muster the wherewithal and get some momentum going. So I blog...Ha! Complete diversion...not task oriented at all...but oh so in my feminine. It's truly a challenge to be in one's feminine...especially for me. I spent nearly 30 years working in the Aviation Industry.
(Maintenance and Engineering...all that right brain thinking and doing...get 'er dun!)
I pushed and plodded along...lots of striving for a long time, and honestly I just feel burnt out.
It's a beautiful day, I need to get out for at least a walk, but truth be told it's always relationships that get to me and my heart.
My 16 year old daughter, told me last night, she feels abandoned. Yeah, it ripped at my heart. Life can be insufferable! She had tears in her eyes, but it was obvious they've been there before. She's wept more than her share. Those tears have streamed down her cheeks and left them moist, as she fell asleep many nights before.
This is an incredibly bittersweet time. I am very thankful to have a family, home, job and great friends in my life. To live in such an inspiring venue with sweeping vistas of nature's bounty, everywhere I turn. To love and be loved in return, to have so much and to feel safe at night.
What's killing me is at what cost? Keeping my home here in Cali, and providing for my family is forcing me to make financial decisions, I never anticipated. My job takes me to places that are incredibly distant from my home. My daughter who's just wanting some stability, intends to remain in her high school. And my son, is working so hard, while attending medic school full time. He provides as much as he can, but my daughter needs her mom and stability. The problem is I can't give her both. It's depressing to know this and just plain sux to live it!
With all of that to mull over...I guess I better get to my projects....for at least that way I'll feel like I'm getting something done; which brings me to my masculine. Too bad I can't stay in that for long and just not pay attention to the emotion, that's ripping my heart in two.
Oh to be a woman in all her feminine.....sigh
3 comments:
I feel for ya girl! Once apon a time I was workin at LAX, Mon thru Fri, then flying home for the wknds. That is if I was lucky enough to make it on a bird. I'm sure you can dig! Hang in there! Everything works out, one way or another.
hellooooooooooooooooo :)
i'll be @ SanFran 2-3-4-5-6/mar :)
FEMA Flygurl:
I know that you're from the government and you're here to help, well I'm from the blogosphere and I can help you with your very cool blog template--I love the background of that San Francisco skyline! However, your right border seems a little cramped. I could help you increase the right border of your template.
As for your juggling act with your family and work situation, I'm so sorry to hear it, and I wish there was a resolution. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a resolution here. You just have to hang in there, do what you can, and then be with your daughter as much as you can for that short time you are home. Hope your daughter also hangs in there as well--she's a great kid!
Post a Comment